Even In Death
by MysteriouslyMystery
Summary: Alice and Masquerade are living in Spain and all is going well, at least until one fateful evening. Will things change? Rated T for a scene in Chapter 2. Note: Chapters 3 and 5 are songfictions.
1. Intro Part 1

**Hello all! You may know me from my other story, She Drowns In The Memories. In case you don't, I'm MysteriouslyMystery. ^^  
Anyways, this idea came to me while I was listening to Evanescence, so I thought I could turn it into a fanfiction. It probably won't make any sense at first, but as you read on, it will. I hope you enjoy!****

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****Intro Part 1**

When you think about it, it's quite strange how one event can change your whole life. One moment, it's like you're living the dream, the next your life seems to collapse in on itself, you can feel yourself break apart and then you crumble from the inside. It's something unpredictable; to see it coming is impossible, but once it happens, you feel as though you should have. The place you're in seems to darken and the temperature appears to drop by a few degrees. You can practically _see _your life fall apart.

Well, that's exactly what happened to me.


	2. Intro Part 2

**I know it's not very professional, but I could not be bothered to wait with posting this. Basically, the actual story kicks off in this chapter. Hope you like it!**

**Masquerade: I can't believe you-**

**Me: Shhh Masky, you're going to spoil it for the readers!**

**Masquerade: T_T**

**Me: Find out what I wouldn't let Masky give away in this chapter! ^^

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****Intro Part Two**

Temperatures remained above 25 degrees Celsius the whole time, it was sometime close to midsummer, and the holiday had just begun. I was living in Spain with Masquerade. We had run away together to have a fresh start, to live in a place where nobody knew who I was. Unfortunately, there was nothing to be done about Masquerade's worldwide reputation, but we thought that if we chose a remote enough village, the people may not know as much and could thus be less resentful towards him. For quite a while, things had been going just fine. However, the saying is true: All good things come to an end.

One evening, we were drinking coffee on the terrace when Masquerade pointed out that we were all out of chocolate, so I grabbed my basket and headed to town. I was only gone for about half an hour, but when I got back, it was dark already. While I was approaching the terrace, I felt a nervous feeling stir up inside of me. As much as I tried, I couldn't get it to settle. I told myself nothing could possibly have happened; nobody knew where we lived except the Brawlers.

Upon reaching the veranda, I found that Masquerade wasn't there. Looking around, my heart began to pound faster when I saw that the door had been left open. Masquerade _always _remembered to close it. Tentatively I stepped inside.

"Masquerade? Are… Are you there?" I called cautiously. No reply.

"It's me, Alice. I brought chocolate…" Still no reply.

"Okay, y-you can come out now. I-it's not f-funny any m-more!" I fought to keep my voice steady. For a couple of seconds, I lingered on the threshold, hesitating and wondering what had happened, but I quickly chose to go inside.

As I walked down the hallway, I felt something slippery under my feet but decided it was probably just spilt water. However, I soon found that the puddle was larger and stickier than one a tipped-over glass of water would leave, so I hit the nearest light switch. And nearly fell unconscious. I opened my mouth to scream, but no sound came out. It definitely was not water. It was blood. Fresh blood.

Feeling my face turn pale, I continued down the hallway, following the trail of red liquid. Much to my horror, it lead to the kitchen, the setting of just about every horror story. Sure enough, when I entered the kitchen, I could sense another person's presence before turning the light on. When I did see them, I wished I could undo it immediately.

A cloaked and hooded black-clad figure stood bent over something on the floor, gripping a blood-tipped knife tightly in one hand. The other hand was clenched in a fist, grasping something tightly. Their face was concealed by the hood in such a way that only a mouth could be seen, and when the figure spotted me, the corners of their mouth twisted downwards.

Desperate to see what the figure had been bent over, I began to edge my way around the table in the center of the room very slowly, so they wouldn't notice. Before I could get close, the figure sprinted around the other side of the table and skidded to a halt in the doorway. With the blink of an eye they were gone, leaving me too scared to follow. All I could do was send Masquerade a mental warning using our telepathic connection, but even this I did not manage: My eyes had just fallen on the thing the figure had been bent over minutes before. In fact, it wasn't a thing. It was a person, and not just any person. It was Masquerade, sprawled on the floor in a pool of blood.

"Masquerade!" I shrieked in a hectic voice, crashing to my knees on the floor beside him. _Let him be alive, please, please, oh please, let him be alive! _I prayed silently, grabbing his hand. One of his fingers twitched.

"Alice… Is that you?" his words were very quiet and sounded like it cost him a lot of pain to speak them.

"Yes, it's me. What happened?" I tried my very best not to sound as crushed as I felt.

"You left, then something hit me… I ran inside… He followed me… I think he's coming back…"

"Wait a moment. I-I don't understand. So I left, and then…?"

"Then I heard this noise, so I was distracted for a while. Then something hit me in the arm. I think… I think it was an arrow. I started to bleed. Then there was a pair of eyes in the bushes… I wanted to get Hydra, so I went inside, but whoever was there followed me. Actually, I did find him and was on my way back out, but in the hallway, they caught up with me and struck me with something sharp. I tripped and Hydra fell out of my hand. The person took him and then the sharp thing hit me in the ribs. I was dragged to the kitchen, and they…" His voice trailed off as he groaned in pain.

"What did they do to you?" my voice shook with emotion.

"They… They got me…"

"What do you mean?"

"They cut my wrists." He whispered. I looked down at the hand I was clutching and found that it was drenched in blood. When I saw the depth of the wounds on his wrists, I had to force myself not to cry. So severe were the wounds that my hand, too, was blood-soaked.

"Tell me y-you will b-be okay… Please!"

"Alice… I'm so sorry…"

"No… NO! You can't leave!" This time I couldn't hold my emotions back.

"I'm always beside you…" His voice was becoming raspier and quieter with each word.

"PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME! I WILL DIE WITHOUT YOU!" A note of hysteria was evident in my voice.

"Don't you… remember? I… would never… leave… you…"

"But you're leaving now. You… You're going to bleed to DEATH!"

"No. I… I can't… let you… think… like… that…" abruptly, he pulled his hand from mine and grasped my shoulders with both hands, pulling me closer. He lifted his head and brought his lips to my ear.

"Alice, remember… Death… cannot… separate… us. I-I love you… too much… for… that." My eyes shot wide open in shock. Feeling Masquerade's grip on my shoulders slacken, I gripped his hands tightly. He let his head sink back to the floor. I waited for a while, but he didn't say anything else.

"No… This can't be happening. It's a dream. No, it's a nightmare. I'm going to wake up, and you're going to be okay. Everything is going to be normal because I'm dreaming." A long pause followed while I hoped against hope that either I was right or I would get a reply from Masquerade. Neither happened.

"I'M DREAMING! I KNOW IT'S TRUE! YOU CAN'T DIE! NO WAY! YOU'RE JUST ACTING, SO STOP IT NOW! JUST STOP IT! YOU'RE OKAY! YOU HAVE TO BE!" I screamed in between sobs. But Masquerade didn't hear me. Nobody did. Immediately I broke out into tears, feeling Masquerade's pulse slowing gradually.

I spent the rest of that night on the floor, holding Masquerade's hand as the life drained right out of him, knowing I could do nothing but watch. It was too late to get help. Eventually, sometime close to dawn, his breathing quieted. Tears poured down my cheeks as I closed my eyes.

"Alice…" His voice was weak, fragile like glass, without its usual boasting touch to it, but I recognized it anyway. My eyes snapped open and I stared down at him.

"Yes Masquerade?" I whispered.

"I… I love you."

"I love you too." He smiled slightly. It was like a Hollywood love movie, the kind with an unhappy ending in which one of the lovers dies. Everyone else had known from the start, but I only realized it now: Masquerade and I were star-crossed lovers. Our love was just not meant to be. He really was going to die and leave me behind.

Sure enough, a few seconds later, his heart stopped beating, leaving me cold and alone.

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**OMG, I killed Masquerade! What the hell is wrong with me? No, I'm not a hater. I'm actually a huge fan of Masky. He just had to die for the plot to work, however mean that sounds. Find out why in the next chapter! Don't give up on me just because I had to kill Masky!**


	3. Even In Death

**Just to avoid having an angry mob of people at my doorstep who hate me for killing Masky without telling them why, I'm uploading Chapter 3 without taking ages editing it. As mentioned in the description, this chapter is a songfiction.**

**Song: Even In Death**

**Artist: Evanescence**

**And before I forget, the lyrics to the song are in bold because I had to use italics for Alice's thoughts.****Even In Death**

**

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**

_It's not true. I won't believe it. I can't let myself believe it. It's a lie. All of it. There is absolutely no reason for me to believe it. He would never leave. It's not possible._

**Give me a reason to believe that you're gone.**  
**I see your shadow so I know they're all wrong.**

Night surrounded me on the way to the cemetery. It was a mild night, warm enough to be able to wear a t-shirt, yet I felt frozen to the core in my thick jacket. The coldness didn't come from my surroundings. It came from inside of me.

Moonlight lit the route through the eerie arrays of headstones. I didn't watch where I was going; both my eyes and my mind were clouded by grief. Several times I tripped and struggled to my feet without really caring about getting hurt or dirty. When I reached the grave I had come for I sank to my knees, tears dripping silently to the ground. _You're coming back with me. I know you are. They may have taken your life, but they can't take my love for you. It's you they cannot take. Never._

**Moonlight on the soft brown earth,**  
**It leads me to where you lay.**  
**They took you away from me, but now I'm taking you home.**

I shifted my gaze to the engraving on the cold dark stone. "Here lies Masquerade," I whispered, reading aloud, "May he rest in peace."

After pausing for a moment, I felt anger rise up inside of me. That's it? That's all they had to say about the person who turned my world upside down, made me hate him, and then fall madly and unconditionally in love with him? They could think of nothing more than "rest in peace" for the person who caused the world to nearly end but was also the one who saved it again? The spark of anger quickly developed into flaming hatred for the world. First they take my love from me, and then they don't even leave him a proper headstone. How could they? No, how _dare _they?

"Don't worry, Masquerade!" I shouted frantically, directing my words to the sky, "You're not alone! I will stay here. Right here. Forever!"

**I will stay forever here with you,**  
**My love.**  
**The softly spoken words you gave me,**  
**Even in death our love goes on.**

More tears poured from my eyes. These kind of outbursts were the reason my friends thought I had gone crazy. They tried to convince me to move on, but I never listened. None of them understood. Not a single one of them had the vaguest clue how I felt. Not that it mattered, though. I refused to be near them as soon as I discovered they were trying to hold me from Masquerade. My love.

**Some say I'm crazy for my love, Oh my love.**  
**But no bonds can hold me from your side, Oh my love.**

What they would never know was that he would never leave me. He was still here, I was firmly convinced of it. Why else would I hear him sing to me in my dreams, why else could I hear his voice everywhere I went, why else would images of him keep haunting me, why else would I be able to hear him in my head?

**They don't know you can't leave me.**  
**They don't hear you singing to me.**

A different voice cut through Masquerade's as I remembered Julie's words earlier that day. "_But he was, like, our enemy! Alice, I don't understand why you care about him. It's, like, weird._" No Julie, it's not. I love him and I will do so forever. At this, Shun's words echoed in my head. "_Alice… You say `forever´ so casually, but… Forever is a powerful word. Forever… Is a very long time._" Maybe Shun was right, but what he didn't realize was that I could wait for all eternity if it was for Masquerade.

**I will stay forever here with you,**  
**My love.**  
**The softly spoken words you gave me,**  
**Even in death our love goes on.**

**And I can't love you, any more than I do**

For a while I sat there, I can't remember how long it was, but eventually I felt the rage fade away to be replaced with an empty, hollow feeling. Nobody was there besides me, which hadn't bothered me until that point, but the loneliness suddenly struck me when I thought of Masquerade. I told myself it did not make sense. He wasn't even gone. At this thought a memory surfaced.

- FLASHBACK-

_"You'll stay with me, right?" I asked in a concerned voice. He laughed as if I had said something amusing._

_"Alice, trust me, it would take more than the strength of the whole world to tear me from your side. There isn't a single force out there, whether animal, human, or natural, that could force me to leave you. Unless you wanted me gone, that is." His words had begun in a humorous manner but finished with a serious tone. For a moment I smiled, but I quit as soon as I thought of an exception._

_"What about… Death?"_

_"Hm? Death? What about it?"_

_"What if one of us died?" my voice was shaky and unsure, but Masquerade just laughed again._

_"If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them." Silence followed for a while._

_"That's very deep. I… I wouldn't have expected something like that from you."_

_"It's not mine, it's a quote. But I like it because it's so true. If you were to die, I wouldn't stop loving you. I wouldn't be happy, but I would know you would still be right there beside me. When a person dies, other people's love does not die with them. According to me, real love is the only thing that can survive death, as ironic as that sounds. And no, I'm not making this up to sound fancy."_

_"So you mean… If you… Well, if-"_

_"Yes Alice, if I die before you, I want you to know that I will be watching you from the other side. In turn, you have to promise me to do the same." He said, no traces of a joke left in his voice. I nodded._

_"Remember: Nothing can separate us. Not even death," he whispered into my ear, although there was nobody else to hear us._

-END OF FLASHBACK-

Tears continued to flow down my cheeks. I knew he was right; our love was by far too strong to end with death. Even if I tried, I would not be able love him more.

**I will stay forever here with you,**  
**My love.**  
**The softly spoken words you gave me,**  
**Even in death our love goes on.**

**And I can't love you, any more than I do**

I had considered the option of suicide countless times before, but deep down I knew I would never be able to make myself do something like that. Besides, Masquerade wouldn't want it. My only option was to stay right here, where I was closest to him.

**I will stay forever here with you,**  
**My love.**  
**The softly spoken words you gave me,**  
**Even in death our love goes on.**

**And I can't love you, any more than I do**

All along, he had been right. I had even found the original version of the quote which he had used. Masquerade had liked the first part, but right now, I was focused on the second. Quietly I recited it.

"Buildings burn,

**People die, but real love is forever.**"

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**See? I couldn't match this song without having somebody die, and frankly, I love Masky too much to not write about him. By the way, I can't decide whether or not to write another/more chapter(s). Should I?**


	4. lost and Found

**Hey people! Sorry for making you wait for ages, school was stressy and we had exchange week... But now that the holidays have started I will update faster. I promise.**

**Anyways, this was initially supposed to be a songfic to All That I'm Living For by Evanescence, but halfway through writing it I became obsessed with this new song (it will be in the next chapter). I abandoned this and wrote most of the next chapter before realizing there are some key facts for the new chapter in this chapter. I know it's kinda incomplete, but I thought I'd just post it now instead of waiting ages for lack of inspiration.**

**Disclaimer time! Dan?**

**Alice: He's out picking fights...**

**Me: Well then, let's bug a random person! ... Hmm... I know! SPECTRA!**

**Spectra: No point in protesting against you. MysteriouslyMystery owns none of the characters.**

**Me: O.0 he listened... O_O Anyways hope you enjoy!**

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**Lost And Found (At least sort of)**

-THREE YEARS LATER-

I'm not a liar, I don't break promises, but this time is an exception. Three years ago, right after Masquerade died, I swore I would not kill myself just to be with him again. He would have wanted me to live on, I was sure of it and I told myself that it was the truth every day. But since his death, my life had been nothing but a nightmare.

The first few weeks were pure horror - the pain was so bad, I could have cut my wrists every day and it would not have compared – but I pulled on nonetheless. Whenever my friends would visit or call, I would fake a smile and pretend like it was all okay. They believed me. Then, when they left or hung up, I would go to my room and cry until my eyes were dry.

After that came the numb period. It was like watching somebody else's life through somebody else's eyes: I saw all that happened, I heard what was said, but I could not feel a thing. Most of the time I forced myself to think only of getting through the day, fearing that if I let my mind drift off, thoughts of Masquerade would enter it. Without being consciously aware of it, I made my friends worried through my somewhat distant behavior. For about one and a half years I lived like this.

**XXXX**

Once, when I was watching TV, a show about these people living on a ship came on. The main character's best friend fell asleep leaning on the railing and woke up in time to find herself falling into the water. She sunk a few meters downwards, then began to push towards the surface, but her leg caught on something and she was pulled back down. It was obvious that no matter how hard she tried, she was not getting anywhere. Just as she was on the verge of drowning, another character rescued her and they reached the safety of the boat together, where the main character was waiting. Exactly the same thing happened to me, except then in a different sense.

In my life, the main character is Masquerade and I'm his best friend. I fell asleep (the numb period) and only woke up when it was too late and I was falling. Unable to catch myself in time, I sunk a bit before managing to begin to pull myself upwards, but soon I found that it wasn't all that easy. Until that point, I had piled my emotions up, meaning to deal with them later, but now they were all coming at me at the same time. Grief and deep depressions were what pulled me under. No matter what I did, my depressions seemed endless and I could not get out on my own.

That was when he saved me. If I have to be honest, I would not have thought that someone like Dan Kuso could ever pull me out of my state of mind at that point, but he managed what nobody else could. He showed me how to live again. Perhaps he is the only reason I did not kill myself, the only reason I survived the fall. Dan has been my best friend for nearly 8 months now.

But unlike the show, my story does not end in a happy reunion. In fact, I have yet to decide the end of my story, the potential endings being life or death. Should I choose to live, I have to start all over again, reconstruct everything I had before, fix things with all my friends, and worst of all, learn to cope with not having Masquerade yet again. However, there is one good point: I would still have Dan. On the other hand, if I choose to die, I can be with Masquerade for all eternity and never have to worry about losing him ever again.

**Xxxx**

I stand on the bridge, staring at the still water beneath me, lost in thoughts. As usual, nobody else is around; I am the only person who knows about this place. My eyes scan the scenery, looking for anything that may have changed since I last came here. Nothing. Everything had remained the same through all of these years, including the fact that I have no company with me, except for one thing: this time could be the last time I set eyes on the river. It is impossible to overlook the fact that right now I am seriously considering suicide.

Around me, the air is getting colder and the sky is slowly darkening. Night is coming, and with it, my decision must be made. About a year ago, there would not have been the option of staying alive; I had nothing to live for and Masquerade to die for. Now, because of Dan, I feel guilty about abandoning the world, especially after all he's done for me. It would be like betrayal. But the fact that I cannot live without my love is becoming more obvious as the days go by, and I'm starting to think that perhaps I would be better off dead after all. I know he would understand me if we met in the "underworld", as Dan calls it. Masquerade would understand everything that has happened to me.

Out of nowhere, my phone rings, and sure enough, Dan is calling me. After hesitating a moment, I answer.

"Hey Alice! Where are you? I've been looking for you everywhere."

"Hi Dan. I'm… In town. Why were you looking for me?"

"We were gonna hang out today, remember?" _Oh shit, forgot._

"O-of course. I just… went for a walk."

"Riiight," he replied, laughing, "So where exactly are you?"

"Ummm… I'm…" He asks me a simple question, but as usual, I cannot tell him the answer. Most people wouldn't care whether their best friend knew where they were, but I don't know if I should tell Dan something not even Masquerade knew about. That's why my own reply stuns me.

"You know that ice-cream shop on Herlingstreet? There's an alley right next to it. Go to the very, very end of it, then turn left. There's this little bridge nobody knows about. You'll find me there."

"Okay, see you in ten minutes." He's about to hang up, but I stop him in time.

"Oh, and Dan?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you believe that the dead can be reincarnated?"

"Ummm… Sure?"

"Seriously."

"I dunno Alice. Why?"

"Just something that came into my mind."

"Okay then. I'm almost there, see you in a sec."

"Bye." The other end of the phone goes silent. Slowly I go over our conversation in my mind, wondering why I told Dan where I am but not coming up with a better reason than the fact that I may have gone insane. A shiver runs down my spine and I think of Masquerade. I know that if he were here, he would have said something comforting to me, something nobody else would be able to think of. The words which would make me feel better. Whatever those might be.

A few minutes later, the sound of an object falling in the water ends my train of thought. Replacing it is the sudden realization that Dan will be here any time now and that there is no way I can kill myself with him nearby. Making up my mind, I reach into my pocket for the knife I'm sure is in there, but find nothing. A frown makes its way onto my face. _Now what do I do? If only I knew how to end this hell. If only my life was written on paper. Then I could just tear it up._

My eyes widen in shock as I realize that had I found the knife, I would have been dead before Dan would have gotten here, meaning that he would have arrived to find his best friend dead. Guilt makes its way into my stomach.

"Alice!"

"Dan?" I turn around and see him a few meters away from me, catching his breath.

"Ran the whole way?"

"Yep. As usual." He replied, panting. I walk towards him and we hug.

"Did something good happen?"

"How did you know?"

"You're smiling even more than usual."

"Well, on the way here, I spotted this poster. It said that Linkin Park is coming to the stadium here, so I called the number it said and managed to get a pair of tickets!"

"You've got to be kidding me. Are you sure?"

"Yes! They've already been sent to my email address."

"Wow. That's so awesome! Who are you taking with you?"

"Guess."

"Runo? Shun?"

"Nope. You, Alice!" A huge grin spreads across his face while a look of pleasant surprise decorates mine. Linkin Park was Masquerade's favorite band, and we used to listen to their music often. Surprisingly, their music was the only thing somehow connected to Masquerade that I still enjoyed.

"Seriously?"

"Of course! You're my best friend, why should I go with someone else? You do like their music, right?"

"Definitely."

"Great! So anyways, what have you been up to?"

"Nothing much, except staring the water…" My voice trails off at that and I walk back to where I had been standing before. The sound of Dan's laugh makes me turn my head.

"What's so funny?"

"My hobbies are running, Bakugan, and biking. Yours are reading and staring at water. We're so different, and yet we're best friends." He replies happily. I smile at him and think of how I nearly left him all alone.

Dan steps over to stand beside me, puts his arm around me, and joins me in watching the water. Neither of us says it, but we both know I am alone in the world, with nobody but Dan to talk to. Our friends now know that I loved Masquerade, and every single one of them judges me for it. Runo hates me with a passion, Shun refuses to talk to me, Julie tells rumors about me behind my back, Chan just glares at me and calls me a traitor, Billy keeps calling me, saying he `called the wrong number´ but always hurling some kind of insult before hanging up, Marucho pretends I don't exist, and on it goes. Everybody I ever knew has their own way of hating me, Dan being the exception.


	5. Masquerade's Broken Arrow

**Hey people! It's me again. I've been wanting to finish this for a while now, but never got down to it. At least, not until now.**

**Masquerade: Obviously.**

**Me: Can it, Masky. You're ruining my speech again.**

**Masquerade: Don't you value my input? *Sarcastic smirk***

**Me: No, not really. *Evil smirk***

**Masquerade: ... Bitch.**

**Me: HEY!**

**Masquerade: *Shoots me a death glare***

**Me: Ack! Masky cut it out. o.O Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**Song: Broken Arrow**

**Artist: Pixie Lott**

**PS This is my favorite song, and this chapter is dedicated to Stephanie and HyperFairyFaye for introducing me to this song. Luv u guys!**

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**Masquerade's Broken Arrow**

-One Year Later-

I know Dan loves me. He tells me every day that I'm his best friend, but I know he loves me. Perhaps it's the way he helped me recover from depressions over Masquerade's death, perhaps it's the fact that he listens to anything I tell him and even gives me advice on my problems, or maybe it's just the fact that he watches me with this little glint in his eye which is really hard to spot but clearly shows affection. Regardless of how, I know it's true, I'm definite that he loves me.

There's just one problem: I can't love him back, no matter how much I'd like to. Even after all this time, Masquerade's love still lingers with me, my scars are still not finished healing. The pain isn't enough for suicide anymore, but it's still there, stronger now, weaker then, yet it's always there. My love left me behind, I've finally accepted it. There will forever be a missing part of me.

But Dan doesn't know that. He's still trying to fix me, to somehow fill in the holes left by Masquerade, to mend the way my love left me. Little does he know that it's impossible. I still miss Masquerade, still dream about him at night, still wish he could be beside me, still hear his voice in my head, still miss his touch, still see his face in people in the streets, still stare at the pictures of him longingly, still tell myself that one day he will turn up to tell me that it was all a lame joke and how much he loves me. No matter how many years may pass, I will always miss him.

What do you do when you're stuck,  
'cause the one that you love,  
has pushed you away,  
and you can't deal with the pain,  
and now you're trying to fix me,  
mend what he did,  
and find the piece that I'm missing,  
but I still miss him,  
I miss him, I'm missing him,  
oh I miss him, I miss him I'm missing him

Giving up on the essay I'm supposed to write, I turn to my closet and begin trying to pick out an outfit to wear to the "concert" I'm performing in. My music teacher at my collage told me yesterday that everybody should dress formally, so I choose a pair of black pants, a black blazer, a white top, and black pumps. As I leave my apartment, I grab my flute case and my handbag.

The walk to my collage isn't very far, but after the first few steps my mind has already wandered back its second favorite subject of debate (after Masquerade): Dan Kuso. He's a funny, active, lively, friendly, extremely popular, not to mention handsome guy my age. Any other girl would murder to win his heart, including all the beautiful popular girls, the nerds, and the entire cheerleading squad. Heck, even some of the boys like him. But to me, he is a best friend, no less and no more. Just too bad I'm the one he wants.

When I reach the auditorium, there are a whole bunch of people setting everything up, but none of the other performers are here yet. As usual, I'm early.

"Alice! You're rather early. Would you like to help us set up?" I turn towards the sound of the voice to find my music teacher Gregory Masen standing on the stage, smiling at me.

"Yes, Mr. Masen."

"All right. Why don't you go fetch some microphones from the storage room?"

"Sure," I reply. He tosses me the keys and I head in the direction of the storage room. The campus is rather large, so it takes me a while to reach it, but as soon as I do, the past catches up with me. _This is the same storage room Masquerade and I used to meet in._** (A.N. No, they did **_**not **_**have sex in the storage room. They just kissed.)**It's been years since I was last in here, but I still remember asking to go to the bathroom at prearranged times and meeting him here instead. Upon entering, the memories rush to me so suddenly and intensely that it's all I can do not to collapse on the floor, overcome with emotion. Slowly pulling myself back together, I make my way over to where the microphones are stored. _Here, right where I'm standing, he used to kiss me. _Pushing away the thought of kissing Masquerade, I grab four microphones and head back in the direction of the auditorium.

By the time I return, many of the students that will be performing have arrived and are helping to set everything up. I walk up to Mr. Masen and hand over the microphones. He thanks me and tells me to set my flute up and to begin warming up because it will start any minute. Grabbing my flute case, I head to the backstage area to practice the piece I'm playing one last time. In the past my friends would show up when my collage was having a concert, but now they would not come near me. The only person who might show up is Dan.

My group performs last, so I get to watch practically the whole concert. Most people find it boring, but I enjoy watching the different people and their talents. Before long the concert is coming to a close and it's my turn to play a piece. I head backstage, pick up my flute and wait for the cue.

**XXXXX**

I'm standing on the stage, hidden by the other flute players, hardly visible. The piece I'm playing is rather difficult, but I've practiced it so often that I don't have to watch my fingers, meaning that my eyes can scan the audience. Sure enough, there he is, in the front row. He's watching me. He sees me, though I am invisible to everybody else. When the song finishes and the concert ends, he's amongst the first to applaud and the last one applauding. For a brief second, he catches my eye and beams at me, but I have to leave the stage before I can return the smile.

Outside, I don't have to walk three paces before he reaches me. As usual, he's the first person anybody sees, waiting for me and making sure I'm not on my own. Upon seeing me, he comes speeding towards me and throws his arms around me, congratulating me. From the corner of my eye, I can see some other girls staring at us, jealousy evident in their eyes.

"You were great, Alice!"

"You think so?"

"Yes! I mean, I don't know much about flutes, but I know you kicked ass anyway."

"Thanks," I reply, laughing. He hugs me again and I can't help thinking that had the whole thing with Masquerade never happened, I would probably have been together with Dan right now.

And you're sitting in the front row,  
Wanna be first in line,  
waiting by my window,  
giving me all your time,  
you could be my hero,  
if only I could let go,  
but his love is still in me,  
Like a broken arrow.  
Like a broken arrow.

"Hey, you want me to walk you home?"

"Oh! Sure, that would be great." Dan's been over to my place often enough, so he knows where he's going. We walk along the path, him doing most of the talking because I'm distracted. I'm wondering whether Masquerade was watching my performance from the other side… His image appears in my mind, and though it's been years since I first met him, he still takes my breath away, even with Dan right next to me.

"Alice!" Dan calls, snapping his fingers in front of my eyes and ending my train of thought.

"Sorry. I was sort of lost in thought."

"About what?"

"… Masquerade." I murmur, directing my eyes to the ground. Unlike most others would, Dan doesn't sigh in irritation and walk away. Instead, he places a comforting arm around my shoulders and speaks in a soft voice.

"Don't worry, Alice. You'll be able to move on one day."

"You think so?" I ask, looking back up at him. He looks me right in the eye while replying.

"For sure. And trust me, he isn't even worth all the drama."

"But-"

"I know, I know, him and I weren't exactly best friends, but trust me when I say that nobody, no matter who they are, has any right to make you feel like dying."

"Dan…"

"Come on, Alice. You know I'm right. Honestly, you deserve so much better." As strange as it sounds, Dan isn't joking and I can see where he's heading. He's going to ask me out.

"Thank you for that, but…"

"But what?"

"This will sound weird to you, but I find it hard to let go."

"Let go of what?"

"…"

"Let go of what, Alice?"

"The past."

"The past? What's that supposed to mean?" An honestly confused Dan asks me, at which I giggle.

"What's so funny?" he asks me.

"Just the fact that you sound like you really don't get it."

"I'm… Not following you." For a moment there's silence while I wait for him to burst out laughing, but nothing happens. Then I realize that either he doesn't accept or really _doesn't _understand that I love Masquerade.

"You still don't understand?" All traces of a joke have left my voice and my facial expression is serious now, but he just nods confusedly. Suddenly, randomly, I feel sadness and a note of anger hit me.

"Dan, I _loved _him! Not only that, but I still do!"

"Alice-"

"He's like the missing puzzle piece I need to complete my life, because without that piece, the puzzle falls apart." Tears well up inside my eyes, making my vision blurry. My sudden anger at Dan's stupidity has turned into sadness and a guilty feeling for having yelled at him. Silence falls and stays for a few minutes until I apologize to him for acting like a bitch.

"Hey, it's okay. You still miss him, right?" Much to my surprise, there's not even a hint of anger or hurt in his voice. Instead, it sounds _consoling._

"Maybe so, but that's no reason to take it out on you. I'm really sorry."

"You don't have to-" I cut him short by hugging him tightly. After a moment's hesitation he wraps his arms around me and hugs me back, clearly happy that I'm not actually mad at him.

he's the thorn in my flesh  
that I can't take out  
he's stealing my breath  
when you're around,  
and now you're trying to convince me,  
he wasn't worth it,  
but you can't complete me,  
He's the part that is missing,  
I miss him, I'm missing him,  
oh I miss him I miss him, I'm missing him.

About an hour later, when I'm alone in my room, I mentally run through what happened at the concert. Just as I had expected, Dan had managed to get a seat in the very front row so he could see me. He'd also been the first in the line of people waiting outside for the actors and actresses, and judging by the fact that my collage is quite large, this feat must have been close to impossible to achieve.

Distractedly I make myself some soup to eat for dinner and set the table. Just when the soup is almost ready, I hear something hitting the window, so I walk over and open it. Looking down, I realize that Dan is standing at the foot of my apartment, throwing small rocks at my window to get my attention.

"Dan? What are you doing here?"

"Visiting."

"At nighttime?"

"Um, yeah… Have you had dinner yet?"

"No, but I'm halfway done with making some soup… You can stay and eat if you want."

"Thanks, Alice. I'll be upstairs in a sec." He disappears from view as he enters the building. Smiling a little, I set up an extra place at the table for Dan and sure enough, he arrives at my doorstep seconds later. I invite him inside and gesture towards the table.

"Sorry about me sort of inviting myself over here…"

"It's okay, I don't mind," I reply, taking the soup pan off the stove and ladling some of the soup into our bowls.

"What kind is it?"

"Tomato soup. Would you like some bread with it?"

"Wow, tomato soup is my favorite! And yes, bread would be nice." Walking over to the storage cupboard, I pull out some bread and put it on the table. Before we start eating, Dan thanks me again for ignoring the fact that he "sort of showed up without explanation and basically expected you to make me dinner, Alice." Next he tells me that he came for two reasons, the first being that he wanted to speak to me and the second being that he thought I was lonely. On the way here, he found he was hungry and decided to ask if he could eat here. By the time he's finished telling me all this I'm laughing.

"Did I say something funny?"

"No, it's just that I really don't mind if you randomly drop by for dinner, you don't have to make excuses."

"They're not excuses!"

"Noooo."

"… Okay fine, they are. But not excuses to not have to make my own dinner. They're excuses to…"

"To do what?"

"To… Well, to spend time with you." This is one of the things I really like about Dan; he can say this kind of thing while looking me straight in the eyes and without any sarcasm. Not only that, but also the fact that he really _does _make many excuses to spend time with me. It's like I'm the only thing in his life, which is of course a wonderful feeling, except that even when we spend lots of time together, Masquerade stays in my mind. No matter how hard I try, thoughts of my love refuse to leave me alone.

and you're sitting in the front row,  
wanna be first in line,  
waiting by my window,  
giving me all your time,  
you could be my hero,  
if only I could let go,  
but his love is still in me,  
like a broken arrow,  
like a broken arrow.

Dan and I finished our dinner a while ago, but neither of us have moved and we're talking, not about one particular thing but rather jumping from subject to subject. Now and then, one of us says something funny and we both end up laughing. Without a confession I know that he's hoping that he can pluck up the courage to ask me out right about now, which as happened a few times before. Except that this time, he might finally do it.

But what would my answer be? Would I have the strength to turn him down? Or would I let him falsely believe that I might one day love him? He means a lot to me, but would dating him feel like betraying Masquerade? And would rejecting Dan feel like betraying _him_?

"Hey Alice? It's getting late, I should start heading home. Thanks for everything."

"Oh, no problem Dan. I hope you come by again soon." I say, walking him to the door. We say or goodbyes and soon he's gone. _Wait a second, he still hasn't asked me. _The thought strikes me out of nowhere and I have no idea why. Maybe… Maybe I really _do _care about him. But how much? Could I possibly love Dan? As soon as I think it, Masquerade's image enters my mind and I hear his voice in my head, telling me that he will always love me. Dan's voice follows, saying that I'm his best friend and how happy he is to have met me. I smile to myself at the thought of how sweet he is and wonder how I found him. And why it has to be now.

what do you do...  
when your heart's in two places?  
you feel burnt but you're torn inside.  
you feel love but you just can't embrace it,  
when you found the right one at the wrong time.

Pushing all my thoughts away, I pull on some pajamas and get ready for bed. I try reading a book but soon find that I'm still too distracted, so I try just going to sleep but give up pretty quickly. Frustrated with my own mind, I punch my pillow and moan.

Why can't I let go of Masquerade? Why does it still feel like he should be beside me? And why can't I fall for Dan and forget him? For hours I think it over without a result, until it suddenly hits me.

You can't ever forget your one true love.

and you're sitting in the front row,  
wanna be first in line,  
waiting by my window,  
giving me all your time,  
you could be my hero,  
if only I could let go,  
but his love is still in me,  
like a broken arrow,  
like a broken arrow…


	6. AN: Debate

**AN: Debate**

I've been wondering lately whether or not to add a/more chapter(s) to this story and could not come up with a solution. Can you guys help me out? I've put a poll on my profile to determine the future of Even In Death. I'll leave it up for three weeks or so and see what kind of results I get. Please do vote or I'll conclude that nobody reads this anymore and just not write any more at all. I don't mean that as a threat, but I don't want to be wasting my time. Thanks everyone!

Oh, and before I forget, I want to thank all my reviewers/subscribers:

Whatever-My-Name-IsXD, star bright-708, splitheart1120, HyperFairyFaye, and of course kdandsheela.

Thank you, all of you, I would not have gotten this far without you, especially HyperFairyFaye and kdandsheela. If I left anyone out, it's because they subscribed without reviewing, and Fanfiction has decided to stop mailing me when I have subscribers. Should you be one of those people, thank you too!


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